10dpo ramblings

So, my temp dropped this morning putting a leak in my little bubble of hope.  I know it's not below the cover line so I am still in the runnings.  Weird fact: this chart and my BFP chart both had the same 97.7 cover line temps; also they both do a lot of up and down after ovulation so I've come to the realization that really I only take my temps to pinpoint ovulation so I will know when AF is to arrive. This does elevate a lot of stress, think about it if I thought my cycle was 28 days, that makes me late every month by 8 days...8 days of worry and hope only to be disappointed again and again.

Last night I made an internal deal with myself, does anyone else do this?  I said to myself, if my temp stays up you can take a PG test, but if it goes down you have to wait.  I just realized that in making this deal it is a lose/lose for me.

1. my temp goes up, i test and it is positive and we are shocked (the percentage of this actually happening is so slim at 10dpo, so really #1 option is not an option, lets cross it out.
2. my temp goes up, i test and it is negative and i say i know it's just too early to really test, we can pee again tomorrow and i prolong the pain and waste money
3. my temp goes down, so i am not allowed to test (disappointment) and then double disappointment because i am probably not pregnant

I did almost cheat on my deal with myself this morning (what does this say about me?), but my mom called and I was already running late for work, so I didn't.  I hate this 2WW....i am not a patient person and I don't like not having control.  I know I am in a better position than a lot of women who have never gotten pregnant on their own, but really am I going to have to wait another 14 months?  I know that at least I have the "hope" that it "could" happen, but grrrrrrrrr it doesn't make it any easier.

A couple weeks ago I was speaking with my nurse and she mentioned that there was a note in my chart that I can get clomid sent to the pharmacy whenever I want.  So basically, even though I didn't take any medications to become pregnant the first time I am still considered infertile according to my doctors office because it took us so long.  Chris and I haven't really talked about when clomid might become our next step.  I think that right now we both need to get settled into the new house before adding clomid craziness to the overfilled boiling pot that is our life right now.

Enough of my ramblings ~ ~ ~ ~